3:54am Wednesday, October 21, 2009
There have been VERY MANY thoughts, personal experiences, and various stories that have been pleasantly plaguing my mind to share for this next blog. It has felt like I've been wracking my brain, incessantly, however, to decide WHICH "thing" to share next with all of you. Well, a couple of days ago I picked up a copy of a five-dollar astrology book at a used bookstore.
What I have decided to share with you for this blog entry is the second appendix from this book, the title of which I have listed for you at the end of this entry.
*****APPENDIX II*****
As a man begins to meditate he discovers that there exists within him a grand reality, a dynamic spiritual center to which men have given the name "Soul." He discovers that this soul is his very Self. The Inner Ruler, the God Within and the essence of his being. He perceives this not as an intellectual idea or a feeling but as a kind of "detonation in consciousness" which utterly transcends anything he has ever known. It is not thought or words that convince but an interior spiritual earthquake. For a time each man preceives himself as a body together with motivating thoughts and emotions. After meditation his conception of who and what he is becomes dramatically transformed. Having penetrated somewhat into the mystery of his own being he knows, past all intellectual question, that the surface self is only a fragment of his real being and that his Real Individuality is an Immortal Flame. He sees that the temporary life of the objective personality is but a partial expression of that Divine Presence which is his true Consciousness. He is then like a man waking from a dream who had not realized he was asleep. With a shock he is initiated into a new world and nothing seems as it did before. Life is suddenly imbued with a sharp joy and vitality. A new and wonderous life pulses through his being, and he is drawn up into a state of awareness for which there are no words. Life now has potent meaning or rather he perceives the meaning which was always there but veiled from his view. Having contacted the Reality within himself he knows past all dispute that within him and within every man is unlimited spiritual Power, Love, Joy, Beauty. The sharp contrast between the glorious reality which is Man of the Spiritual level and the temporary exile under which men labor is a painful one. Yet he realizes also the inevitability of the ultimate triumph of the spiritual within man.
There is established a covenant between the personal and the spiritual, between that which is temporary and that which contains all possibilities. From the time a man becomes aware of the Spiritual Flame within him, his life is never the same, for all the pleasures of life that men seek are unimportant by comparison. The search for personal happiness is seen to be but the reflection of a deeper aspiration for the life of the soul. We behold a world of shadows and illusions until the birth of that sense of Self which is the source of Beauty. There, in the heart of Man, is power to silence all egotism. Deep in the center of our being is the power to obliterate the ugliness of our limitations. We must, then, affirm that it is not possible to live superficially and self-centeredly once we have beheld this Magnet Life. In a moment we perceive, and swing out beyond space and time, and find knowledge of our purpose and destination. Unlimited is the Path thus revealed. All loveliness is destined, and the ladder of ascent is lost in Infinity, and the Heart of All is good beyond dreaming. Truly the vibrancy of the soul of man exalts and overwhelms. Yes, man is alive, and yet he sleeps. But life is motion toward the Good, and each soul already knows the path. No one can act with malevolence who stands face to face with his Inner Ruler. Therefore man arises from meditation with a new burden of a sobering and sacred trust.
Understanding how words veil what is said, we will not lose the thread of meaning or turn away in ignorance from our own glorious potentials. Likewise we will avoid becoming encrusted with all sorts of prejudices. We can dissect, analyze, examine and miss the message entirely. One reacts to words as a simple stimulus response mechanism, another pauses to probe the depths and grasp the essence. See how the word "soul" is already so badly abused that for many it becomes an empty sound. It is better for some minds to pronounce the formula of "Energy" or "Magnetism." The generally accepted religiousness obstructs our understanding of the fundamentals.
What is it that dwells on the threshold of the spiritual world and prevents entrance? The answer is simple, but where are those who will be shaken by the reply. How penetrate to the subtle meaning of the world, "selfishness." Many pronounce the word of Love, but few are moved by it. The multitude of so called spiritual communities are built of self-seeking. Everyone is ready to follow the next prophet, but few ask themselves about purity of motive. The mass of people do not distinguish between the Moon and the Sun, and the supposed formulas for spiritual regeneration are circulated like Sunday newspapers. But the sages have affirmed that the only ship that will reach port is the one which carries a white sail.
The living, burning sphere of spiritual power which is Ourselves is cloaked by thoughts bound within the circle of ego. The brilliant star of the Soul cannot be found in a mirror but in labor for the evolution of the world. Above the Gates are the words "Desire nothing for the separate self."
People seek new recipes to expand their consciousness, but the thirst for new images and experiences already bars the way, for personal desires do not propel us beyond the bounds of self-interest. The quality that sets us in motion is all important. The solemn thunders of the soul are evoked by the thought, "What can I acquire for the good of all." And this must come from the heart and cannot be superimposed on a personal craving.
Pure aspiration is rare, but, where it exists, the surrounding air sings and the clear fire of the soul creates sparks of beneficience. Someone will imagine this event as a symbolic image, but a literal understanding is a more accurate conception. The soul and the center of the Sun are radiant energy.
I will say that the soul is a shower of sparks and a whirlwind of light. Take all the Harmonies of the best and most musical moments; somehwere among them the soul whispered, but people forget. Our brains make a dense sounding board, and the Music of the Spheres does not often penetrate the fog of self-centeredness. People seek to purchase a spiritual experience. The world absounds with formulas for quick illumination. But all these illusions have one thing in common: they appeal to our self-interests. Whatever emanates from the world of the soul will guide us on the path of self-forgetfulness and and labor for the common good, for the soul is the antithesis of egotism.
The soul is unconfined consciousness and contains the whole world, yet the vortex of individual accumulations is never lost. The sages have proclaimed the absence of separation and the illusion of loneliness. On the path of ascension, consciousness itself can be shared. Those on the mountain know the inner secrets of the Heart. As pebbles dropped in a quiet pool, the circles of consciousness merge and blend. The soul and the heart are one principle, but both are beyond imagination. The power of the soul is but dimly realized. Wondrous is the memory of the source of the world. Revelation occus daily, and each soul is imbued with the knowledge of Life. There are no business firms which can mediate between the Divine and the human, and those who claim the sole repository of omnipresent truth display remarkable shortsightedness.
If the Soul seems an abstract concept, it means the Interior Rays have not yet penetrated the dense psychic accumulations of the personal aura. A pattern of thought can temporarily conceal the sacred center. Violent emotion forms an impenetrable barrier to the light of illumination. If Truth still appears a relative abstraction, it means the clamour of the outer life has distracted the consciousness.
There are no short cuts to the kingdom of heaven, but there is the steep path for those who love creative labor. If we aspire with a pure heart, theh key to the next step will be placed in our hands. Somewhere in the experience of each one who longs for something beyond the ordinary is a spark of light. It can be cultured into a flame through sharing. Perhaps somewhere we have seen the sacred signs and glimpsed reality. The most subtle is easily forgotten, but whoever desires to exteriorize the veiled splendor will receive help.
From the book, ASTROLOGY: Esoteric and Psychological, by James Davis
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
First Entry
2:39am Sunday, October 18, 2009
So this is my very first post in my very first blog. Ever. It surprises me that I have gotten to a point in my life where I am willing to share some of my innermost thoughts and feelings with basically anyone who cares to read them.
For the interested reader, I would like to tell you that the reason is this: it is because I have honestly experienced what I would call a "modern-day miracle" in my life. About 5 weeks ago, I began my first public school teaching position on the southside of Chicago. I have been a stutterer for 23 YEARS of my life; I am 28 years old. I have only NOT stuttered for the first 5 years of my life. That is crazy to me. But it is true. You can ask anyone who knows me, including my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother-in-law, my niece, my nephews, my grandma, my aunts, my uncles, my teachers, my old bosses, all of my friends...everyone who KNOWS me knows that that is true.
I will write more about this later, but suffice it to say for now that I had to sift through my life and memories, basically starting from the age of 5, and relive a very traumatic experience that I went through. THIS, essentially, was the cause of my stuttering, I believe. The experience that I went through left me feeling nervous, scared, anxious, and very low self-esteem. I NEVER gave up any of these feelings for 23 years. I think that, to a major extent, they mostly grew over time, more and more, and induced my stuttering, more and more.
But it isn't that cut and dry. Stuttering has come and gone "in waves," I would say. But I can honestly tell you that there has NEVER ONCE been a completely fluent-speaking day in my life for the past 23 years. Until 5 weeks ago. Seriously. THINK about that. Because it's VERY true.
Well...on the Friday of my 1st week of teaching, I got home and I could not stop thinking about a tarot reading that I had in Jerome, AZ, about two years ago. The story about this psychic, Cynthia Renee Criswell, is whole 'nother story that I will spare you from now. (only for the sake of "time")
My reading with Renee lasted almost 90 minutes. She normally "only" reads for an hour, which is still a very long time in my opinion. But she knew how important the information that she was giving to me was, so she took a very long, slow time transmitting the information to me. To cut to the chase, everything that she told me was either already true or has since come true. The only thing that "hadn't" come true, or so I thought, was this one detail regarding my career: Cynthia told me that the cards were saying that I was going to find work in the "South." I thought that she meant this literally, as in Florida, Georgia, or somewhere like that. But then it CLICKED on that Friday afternoon when I got home from work...I realized..."OH MY GOSH, this is ALREADY TRUE! I DO work in the 'south...,' I work on the SOUTHSIDE!" And that is what I tell everyone I meet, "I work on the Southside." So, Cynthia was right about THAT, TOO!
When THAT last bit of information clicked into place in my head, for some reason, I realized that I could stop stuttering. I realized that I had actually (and sadly) been CHOOSING to speak the way that I spoke. It is still hard for me to even believe now, but it is TRUE! I was CHOOSING to stutter. Even the extent to which I was stuttering at various times...ALL MY CHOICE.
I HAD to accept everything that Cynthia told me to be true, because it all CAME true...or WAS already true. I even have my reading with her recorded on a cassette tape. And so when I realized that EVERYTHING she told me was true, for SOME reason, I realized that I could stop stuttering.
It was not just the above-mentioned moments that contributed to my "epiphany," "miracle," or whatever you prefer to call what I have experienced. I think that praying before bed as often as I could remember for the past 20 years had something major to do with it. I also think that seeking out a more spiritual way of living my life has had something to do with it. I think that me taking yoga at Ball State last year had a huge part to do with it. I think that me getting to musically direct VIOLET at Ball State ALSO had a huge deal to do with it: VIOLET IS MY STORY. So if you want to understand how I feel much better, get to know that musical. Because it seriously IS my story--on so many different levels. It's not even funny. Haha.
I also think that people who are currently in my life and have been praying for me all these years has also had something to do with it. I definitely know that Paul, Phillip and Margaret have all had something to do with it. I knwo that my work with the Ball State Musical Theater Program has helped to lead me to where I now am, too. And of course my family, friends, etc. But MOST of all, I realize that it was GOD who GAVE me this miracle. Truly.
AND SO, because I feel THIS WAY, I also feel a need to start this blog and share my story. Eventually, I want to find a good way to start having friends in my life share their own personal miracles. But I want this blog to be more than something to read. I want it to be something that people who know me can read to sympathize with me...or empathize with me...or let me and others sympathize and/or emptahize with them through their own personal stories.
The bottom line is that I want to use this as another way to start putting care and love back into the world. That is a lot of what the world needs right now...love. So HERE it comes. I hope that you will take it with you.
So this is my very first post in my very first blog. Ever. It surprises me that I have gotten to a point in my life where I am willing to share some of my innermost thoughts and feelings with basically anyone who cares to read them.
For the interested reader, I would like to tell you that the reason is this: it is because I have honestly experienced what I would call a "modern-day miracle" in my life. About 5 weeks ago, I began my first public school teaching position on the southside of Chicago. I have been a stutterer for 23 YEARS of my life; I am 28 years old. I have only NOT stuttered for the first 5 years of my life. That is crazy to me. But it is true. You can ask anyone who knows me, including my mom, my dad, my sisters, my brother-in-law, my niece, my nephews, my grandma, my aunts, my uncles, my teachers, my old bosses, all of my friends...everyone who KNOWS me knows that that is true.
I will write more about this later, but suffice it to say for now that I had to sift through my life and memories, basically starting from the age of 5, and relive a very traumatic experience that I went through. THIS, essentially, was the cause of my stuttering, I believe. The experience that I went through left me feeling nervous, scared, anxious, and very low self-esteem. I NEVER gave up any of these feelings for 23 years. I think that, to a major extent, they mostly grew over time, more and more, and induced my stuttering, more and more.
But it isn't that cut and dry. Stuttering has come and gone "in waves," I would say. But I can honestly tell you that there has NEVER ONCE been a completely fluent-speaking day in my life for the past 23 years. Until 5 weeks ago. Seriously. THINK about that. Because it's VERY true.
Well...on the Friday of my 1st week of teaching, I got home and I could not stop thinking about a tarot reading that I had in Jerome, AZ, about two years ago. The story about this psychic, Cynthia Renee Criswell, is whole 'nother story that I will spare you from now. (only for the sake of "time")
My reading with Renee lasted almost 90 minutes. She normally "only" reads for an hour, which is still a very long time in my opinion. But she knew how important the information that she was giving to me was, so she took a very long, slow time transmitting the information to me. To cut to the chase, everything that she told me was either already true or has since come true. The only thing that "hadn't" come true, or so I thought, was this one detail regarding my career: Cynthia told me that the cards were saying that I was going to find work in the "South." I thought that she meant this literally, as in Florida, Georgia, or somewhere like that. But then it CLICKED on that Friday afternoon when I got home from work...I realized..."OH MY GOSH, this is ALREADY TRUE! I DO work in the 'south...,' I work on the SOUTHSIDE!" And that is what I tell everyone I meet, "I work on the Southside." So, Cynthia was right about THAT, TOO!
When THAT last bit of information clicked into place in my head, for some reason, I realized that I could stop stuttering. I realized that I had actually (and sadly) been CHOOSING to speak the way that I spoke. It is still hard for me to even believe now, but it is TRUE! I was CHOOSING to stutter. Even the extent to which I was stuttering at various times...ALL MY CHOICE.
I HAD to accept everything that Cynthia told me to be true, because it all CAME true...or WAS already true. I even have my reading with her recorded on a cassette tape. And so when I realized that EVERYTHING she told me was true, for SOME reason, I realized that I could stop stuttering.
It was not just the above-mentioned moments that contributed to my "epiphany," "miracle," or whatever you prefer to call what I have experienced. I think that praying before bed as often as I could remember for the past 20 years had something major to do with it. I also think that seeking out a more spiritual way of living my life has had something to do with it. I think that me taking yoga at Ball State last year had a huge part to do with it. I think that me getting to musically direct VIOLET at Ball State ALSO had a huge deal to do with it: VIOLET IS MY STORY. So if you want to understand how I feel much better, get to know that musical. Because it seriously IS my story--on so many different levels. It's not even funny. Haha.
I also think that people who are currently in my life and have been praying for me all these years has also had something to do with it. I definitely know that Paul, Phillip and Margaret have all had something to do with it. I knwo that my work with the Ball State Musical Theater Program has helped to lead me to where I now am, too. And of course my family, friends, etc. But MOST of all, I realize that it was GOD who GAVE me this miracle. Truly.
AND SO, because I feel THIS WAY, I also feel a need to start this blog and share my story. Eventually, I want to find a good way to start having friends in my life share their own personal miracles. But I want this blog to be more than something to read. I want it to be something that people who know me can read to sympathize with me...or empathize with me...or let me and others sympathize and/or emptahize with them through their own personal stories.
The bottom line is that I want to use this as another way to start putting care and love back into the world. That is a lot of what the world needs right now...love. So HERE it comes. I hope that you will take it with you.
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